Mind-over-matter is a rough business.
Back when I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my pain journey started out relatively slow. The normal things I tried to do caused me to hurt… but, I adjusted my mind to this new challenge and ‘marched’ on through the tears of pain. Then, the pain got progressively worse and it became harder for my mind to process through. My marching became more of a trot… then a brisk walk… then a hobble, and now I can barely get going.
Mind-over-matter became my motto and I did my best to press on, because, we all know that life doesn’t stop for anything. That was in 2015.
Fast-forward to over a decade later and “mind-over-matter” has become a real struggle for me. I am my own cheerleader. It is hard for me to be the one in the game and also the one cheering myself on at the same time. My battle is daily… not just with pain, but with my perseverance… which seems to be wanning. It is difficult to push through all.day.long. I mean, I already do that. But it wears on the mental soul.
I push to get out of bed. I push to go exercise and do my stretches. (The pain will always be there, so I have been pushing through with exercise for almost 2 years to help the rest of me). Some mornings it’s all I can do to even get dressed and some days, it’s exercising with tears of the “good” pain, as well as tears of frustration because it hurts to do anything.
Some days it’s tears of utter irritation that I have to have mind-over-matter in the first place.
Some days I want to throw a tantrum and hammer a thousand nails into the wall and get all that frustration out. But, as anyone with chronic pain knows, that is NOT the answer… it would only debilitate me and make my joints and body hurt worse, not to mention the mental anguish from giving in and dealing with my self-inflicted “more pain.” ha-ha
I will admit though, I have scrubbed many a bathtub vigorously to get the frustration out. I will also say that at the time, it felt GOOD!!! But… an hour later… throughout the night… the next day… I’ve paid for it. Paid for it in PAIN. The inability to be able to move after such a thing as cleaning a bathtub, pulling weeds, raking leaves, mopping a floor, running an vacuum, etc. no one can understand, except by those that have Fibromyalgia, Lupus or other arthritic issues. It’s a bad wrap. Truly.
Mind-over-matter is a rough business. I pray daily for strength and perseverance of mind.
My newly adopted motto is in KJV Psalms 118:24 which says “This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Yes, it hurts to wake up and then remember you hurt. Therefore, I am also trying to have the motto of “The Power of Positive Thinking.” I’ll let you know how that’s going in another post. ha-ha.
God Bless- The Fibro-Lupus Momma of Ten
