As I sit here on December 31, 2025, I find myself pondering the year.
For me it was not a good year as I count years to be. My health wavered from the beginning, starting with a lot of stress dancing around my life that I tried not to let affect me. This was not a simple task as I was asked in late January to help plan my daughter’s wedding for the end of March. This date quickly changed to 2 weeks later because the couple thought “Why Wait?” (what…?) I was also to make the cakes and be a supportive Mom.
Okay, so my body cannot do fast anymore and saying “No” was not an option, either.
Add all this, plus a ton of emotions from a “bit” of a Bridezilla, and my heart decided to act up, causing palpitations and irregular heartbeats, even more fatigue than usual, and a major melt-down of my emotions which made my heart jump and dance around-and it scared me. This was due in-part to the circumstances, in part to my personality and the personality of the bride, and in-part to me dealing with the fact that once-upon-a-time I could have put this all together in no time, and I AM NOT THAT SAME PERSON ANYMORE thanks to Fibromyalgia and Lupus. That emotional upset caused my Fibromyalgia to wreak havoc on my body in ways I can scarcely describe here.
So, I had to swallow those thoughts of who I was, accept who I now am, roll up my sleeves and only do what I could physically handle, even if that meant letting down someone. But I did my best to make a positive memory for all involved…
One month later a sickness swept through our home causing me to get pneumonia, which knocked me out for weeks and weeks. Due to the wedding heart episode, a treadmill stress test had been scheduled for my heart and because of the pneumonia, was pushed into mid-May. That test wreaked havoc on my Fibromyalgia, causing me intense pain for weeks and it did not feel like I was only dealing with Fibro, so I decided to message my PCP for blood tests to see if the Lupus was active and in cahoots with the Fibro because the pain and swelling was horrible!
Sure enough, the testing showed the Lupus was active again and wrecking my world once more.
Due to the stress test, the Lupus decided to attack my hips, causing me so much pain that I could scarcely walk, sit or drive and I had to attend a family reunion at the end of June three states east of me, to which my husband drove. After I got back, the pain was excruciating, so round of steroids was ordered which did amazing things! Why-oh-why are they so bad for you?? (sigh) During that round of steroids, I had to leave again and, this time I drove across five states west to take care of my mother for a few weeks before driving back home. The change of scenery was nice, but my routine was off and subsequently, so was my body. The way I looked at it was I already felt out-of-sorts and not myself, so what was something else???? I pushed through as I usually do, using the pool to help relieve as much pain as possible, if only while I was in the pool (sigh again).
By the time I got back home in August, I was spent-physically and mentally. The Lupus was still rearing its head, attacking random joints at its will and I knew I was still not just dealing with the Fibro. Frustrations with new doctors and more testing caused more issues for me, including a high A1c, pushing me forward into Type 2 Diabetes, all from that stress test in the spring. Diet changes and well…
(Oh, did I mention my heart handled the stress test very well and is working fine? Well, fine as long as I continue to take the Metoprolol and manage stress around me… but that test brought so much bodily torture and issues with it that I still feel buried in pain… It never stops, does it??)
Summer continued with a late home-school graduation celebration in August and then I finally settled into September, with birthdays and home-school with my 11th grader, the holidays and finding peace in the chaos of living with a broken body. That sentence is an Oxymoron, right???
December helped me to slow down and catch my breath a bit.
Yes, as of today, I feel a bit like my old semi-manageable Fibro-self, with the Lupus attacking random joints and making me erratically swell up with pain at the most unreliable of times. I have forced myself to stretch and exercise each morning or afternoon for the past two years as best I can, knowing I am helping my heart and probably my body, even if my body cannot tell that I exercise at all.
I mean, let’s be realistic. When you have Lupus and Fibromyalgia, you NEVER feel well.
I exercise to help my muscles stay strong and flexible and my heart to stay strong. But exercising HURTS and does NOT make me feel better AT ALL. For me, it is a mind-over-matter sense of “at least I am doing something each day to TRY to make it better.” It’s a mental thing and that alone is taxing and somewhat debilitating.
Trying to be positive is part of living with Chronic Pain Disorders and can be exhausting in itself.
Heating pads, rice socks, compression gloves, knee, ankle and elbow braces, foot arch bands, comfy “bummy” seat cushion, electronic foot massager, massage gun, S-hook trigger point reliever, etc. are all a daily part of my life.
So, 2025 was a rough year for me. I pray that 2026 can bring slower days with self-pacing and rest-as-needed-days, minimal stress in my world and a way for me to heal my body, soul and mind, if only for the winter.
To all you fellow Lupies and Fibro sufferers, may 2026 be all that for you and more!
God Bless-
The Fibro-Lupus Momma of Ten
