In honor of National Lupus Awareness Day (May 10th) and National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day (May 12th), my hubby wrote a few words to share with other husbands who are wanting to help their wives who are battling Fibromyalgia and/or Lupus.
“As a husband living with a Fibro/Lupus sufferer, it can be very difficult at times, but it is possible depending on how you approach the issue. Never knowing what each day or hour brings, you must be prepared to shift strategy on how to help… or get out of the way.
Although their feelings of disappointment can arise because ideas or plans go by the wayside, compassion must take its place quickly to provide the sufferer what is needed, whether it’s a back rub, an ear to listen, or to just leave her alone.
Living with a Lupus and Fibromyalgia suffer is like playing a game of chess.
Many times, it can be a game of chess not knowing what piece to move because your opponent (disease, not wife) is so unpredictable. Essentially, you become a caretaker for a person that has a debilitating disease that is so hard to understand, and with no cure. It can be frustrating and tiresome. There is no room for selfishness in this equation because without supporting your wife when she feels terrible and hurting, she will also feel alone, and she does not deserve that. No one likes to feel alone and that is exactly how these diseases can make the suffer feel.
Trying to understand the way she feels is not as important as providing the support needed. I took a vow upon marriage that said, “For better, or worse. In sickness, and in health” and she has been there for me in worse, and in sickness, so I will be there for her also. Understand, that I am not perfect in any of this, and it takes a lot of work, but isn’t she worth the effort?
Lupus and Fibromyalgia are called hidden diseases that not many people understand, including myself.
These devastating diseases affect many parts of the body, causing fatigue and pain everywhere, including joints, with Lupus causing a host of internal issues, and they also create something called a brain fog. You never know when it will flare up, but it is often. Many times, it makes simple tasks very painful and difficult. My wife suffers from this and it is sometimes hard to watch. She tries to be the “same old Mom” that our older children knew (ten total) and also tries to be that person for the last two still at home, but it is hard on her. She has always had dreams of being the best Nonna for her grandchildren by loving them and spending time in the kitchen with them creating fun things and doing other things that can sometimes be physically taxing.
You would never know she suffers because she goes and goes, but inside physically and mentally she is “screaming.”
This is why these are called hidden diseases. I share this not for pity on her, but as an awareness of these diseases, and for prayer for her, and for all those that suffer with the same condition(s). I hope this post helps whoever is reading it. God Bless You.
“For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard” Psalm 22:24.
I love you forever, my dear wife.”
