Living Daily with Chronic Invisible Illness

This the Day which the Lord Hath Made

I live in the country.. I love the country! All the privacy, beautiful landscape…we even have an apple orchard and a pond…it’s lovely.

However, if I have to grocery shop, it’s easily a twenty to thirty minute drive. If I need other things, it takes longer.

All that driving to town never bothered me before I got sick. I mean, I just planned the day to shop for whatever was needed and off I went!

And then I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

Now, there is no PLANNING because I NEVER know what a day is going to be like for me physically.

There is NO anything. What I mean by that is my life has been turned upside down with pain and physical limitations.

I miss the “old” days. I miss my old self.

-here is some insider personality info-

My Italian lineage causes me to use my entire being when I talk (animated, hands waving, whole body conversations). Subsequently and due to the pain of being “me”, I have learned to “tone it down” by just not talking as much or answering with as few words as possible.

On the rare occasions that this side of me comes out, I become keenly aware of the pain as my arms begin to flail and my hands go a mile a minute.

The pain is horrific.

People equate me to my animated personality and when I speak in a mellow fashion, they immediately ask “Are you feeling okay?”

Loaded question.

Am I okay?

Well now, do I want to be the type of person who really says how I feel knowing that person will never ask again?

No, I don’t.

So instead I just smile and say, “Why yes…I’m feeling fine.”

FINE…what does that even mean?

I like to be jumpy for my kids. I have ten of them, six still at home, and the first half of them remember a completely different Momma.

The older ones still here and going to college, have seen what Fibro has done to me. They had to get used to the new me just as I have.

The younger ones think when I get all animated that “Something must be wrong with Mom.”

Taking pain meds brings out my older self so the ones who know me best know I must be “on” something to be acting like that.

-end of insider personality info-

I miss me. The old me.

I struggle daily with acceptance and denial. Sometimes I have “got this” and other times I just want to curl up and wish it away.

Being creative helps me keep my mind off the pain. But I pay for it later. Like, cannot move later. *click here for my latest creative thought.

It’s a vicious cycle.

I would not change where I live for anything. Hearing the birds and seeing the beauty God designed brings me comfort and peace.

Yes, driving hurts me. Yes, I drive more often than I want to and even drive on BAD pain days. Mainly because my dear husband receives blood transfusions about every nine-ten days and we drive over an hour to the city for his bone cancer conditon. (We both got a health whammy within a few years while still in our 40’s…)

I will always be there for him, pain or not!!

My life around me still goes on. It still makes me smile, it still gets me through and it still brings me love. That is a gift.

So here is to today!

Rain or shine…zombified or not….road kill and left for dead…

“This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it!”

Blessings and gentle hugs-

~The Fibro Momma of Ten

Living Daily with Fibromyalgia

New “Normal” Fibro Day

Today was what I would call one of my regular “new normal” days. I awoke with the usual pains and stiffness while slowly making my way to the bathroom to begin my daily routine. I got my husband’s coffee and apple prepared for his departure to work. I poured my own cup of coffee, made our bed and helped get the kiddos off with our oldest on an outing. 

I did not go with them because A) It is an hour and a half away where they were going and driving would not be a good thing for me to do coming off a migraine day. B) I was told that today was set aside for me to do lesson planning and to enjoy the quiet house. However, my mind was not with it. *sigh*

We had a bit of a stressful situation prior to the kids departure and I needed to give it to God. So, a lot of prayer to recollect my thoughts, a walk to the mailbox to mail a bill before the July heat took hold and I was all set with a new view on my day. I fell right into planning! An hour later I took a break and rode my Airdyne Bike for 5 minutes. Stiff and sore from that I sat back down at the computer to research the Unit Study I was preparing for this coming school year.

The heat was getting pretty intense outside so I asked my oldest son who was still here to help me hang out a sheet cover over our straw bale garden. I was clad in floppy hat and sunglasses and we got that done. While outside, I picked a cup of green beans, came in and blanched them, then sautee’d them with fresh garlic and ate those for lunch. I then said goodbye to my son as he headed off to work.

Alone, I went back to the computer. Two hours later, all the kiddos came back home and we rested with a Magic School Bus episode. (I needed to rest my body from sitting at the computer, anyway, before I began the point of no return).

Then my oldest and youngest daughter and I went out into our pasture to pick our peaches which were ripe and sweet. After 30 minutes, it began to rain. We hurried. The wind began to blow a much-needed cool breeze. We went faster. One up on a ladder handing me peaches while I passed them to the youngest who placed them in the buckets. We hauled 2-five gallon buckets and a smaller pail filled with sweet peaches across 3 acres before (what looked like) the storm hit. (By the way, the storm never did hit and we hurried unnecessarily, pain and all).

Once inside, one daughter boiled the peaches, another peeled them, another sliced them and I put them into a fruit saver bath, then placed them on cookie sheets to be frozen and then bagged for future use.

During that time, I also mashed pinto beans that I had been cooking in the crock pot all day with yummy seasonings to make bean burritos for the evening meal. My body was aching by this time. I sat down to watch the evening news with my husband and wanted to melt into the couch. But, alas, I needed to get up, but could not get up without help. I was so sore I wanted to cry! I then staggered up the stairs and into the shower thankful for a productive day.

Now I write this with aching shoulders, elbows and hips, hands and feet. It is what it is.

Yes, this was my “new normal” type of day when my pain was not too terribly intense, just persistently there.

Fibromyalgia Migraines

Fibro Migraines

Migraines are a drag. Fibro Migraines are worse because they engulf your whole being.

Time has a way of moving by too quickly, but when you have Fibromyalgia, it tends to go by slower, especially if you are having more pain than usual. When you get a Fibromyalgia migraine, you lose blocks of time out of your day.

Yesterday, the kiddos and I were getting the family room together for company that is coming in for our son’s High School Graduation this Saturday. Out of nowhere, I had a migraine come and completely knock me off my feet. You know the kind-that hazy feeling that suddenly engulfs your very core, settling into your joints-ALL your joints. Your neck and back begin screaming at you, your temples start to throb, light begins to hurt your eyes, your hands ache, you feel nauseous and you suddenly feel paralyzed with pain….All you want is to be horizontal….as fast as possible….Sound familiar? If it does, please know I can sympathize with you. Ibuprofen is my friend at these times and after 2+ hours with a covering over my eyes and (sometimes) one of my kiddos rubbing my temples until the meds kick in, I manage to doze off. Upon awakening, my body feels all stiff and I am like the tin-man desperately in need of an oil can! Those migraines literally make me feel like I lost part of my day- It’s like I forget a lot of what was going on before it hit.

These occur in my life several times a month. No pattern, no warning.
Today I will be leaving to go with my oldest daughter to help her pick out the bedding for her sweet baby who is due around Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to this!!! However, we have to drive about an hour to shop and being in a car that long is never fun for me.
I am taking it slower than usual this morning, not wanting to rock the “boat” and cause a setback.

The Lord is my strength on these busier days. One day at a time, right? Tomorrow I will feel it-as my journal has shown, but today I need to enjoy the time spent making memories. It is fun to watch my daughter getting so excited about the baby!!! So here is to today, whatever it may bring! Happy June and gentle hugs 🙂