Fibromyalgia sucks lolly-pops. (That is a much nicer way to say something crass.) And it really does! Like, really, really, really bad. When you are dealing with the pain that befalls you on any given day, it is overwhelming! The pain of Fibromyalgia is indescribable!
Here I sit after my second rest of the day. My morning began with the usual stiffness and sore, achey feeling. I moved around like my battery needed to be charged desperately! I felt very mechanical. But, for those who read and follow this blog, you know that this is nothing new! However, today is my son’s birthday. I wanted to make the day enjoyable for him and I set out to do just that!
We had a nice leisurely breakfast and a lovely lunch while playing board games-we just enjoyed the day! However, here I sit at 3:30 in the afternoon waiting for those pains to subside before I begin again.
The birthday boy has taken his siblings outside for a ping-pong tournament in the shed and so I decided to rest a bit.
What my son doesn’t realize as he lovingly tries to give me these opportunities to rest, is that my older daughter and I have been planning a surprise birthday party for him tomorrow evening. 23 young people will be hosted on our property in honor of his 17th. Because it is a surprise, preparations cannot be done out in the open! Therefore, things such as the baking of a cake, the gatherings for the bonfire, and the purchasing of the items for the hot dog roast must be done secretively. Many of this has been done gradually over the last few days and (hopefully) has gone unnoticed. I have been buzzing around for days overextending myself out of love!
~Sidebar~ The weather in the midwest is extremely bizarre this time of year. Less than 5 days ago the temperatures were in the upper 20s for the lows with highs in the 40s. Now, here I am with lows in the upper 60s and highs in the mid-70s today. A major thunderstorm is due tonight and 3 days from now the temps are supposed to drop yet again. The constant up and down and back and forth in the weather wreaks havoc on a Fibro body! ~End of Sidebar~
Okay, so I have six out of ten children under the age of 22 still living at home. Some days it is very difficult to continue on doing as I have always done. I want each of them to have happy and pleasant memories of their childhood with an active mom; a mom who can be the mom like I used to be!
Sometimes, the reality of my present situation is something I do not wish to face.
Yesterday was a relatively decent day for me. 2 days ago, whatever I did must have caused my extreme issues today. It gets very tiring trying to remember what I did two days ago to cause me the pain and I’m in 2 days later. My brain does not allow me to remember a lot of the mundane, everyday things I do. Things like cleaning and moving this or that, vacuuming air vents, cleaning ceiling fans. All that hurts as I do it and hurts worse later. But, hey, it needs to be done and I love to do those things! My body, however, does not.
I try to make a mental note saying I shouldn’t do this or that because it will cause me problems tomorrow or the next day. But my brain has let me down. I’ve tried to keep notes and write things in a journal. It does help, but that, too, is hard to remember to do.
Throw weather into the mix and you have the makings for some intense pain days!
Oh, I just want to be normal again!
To think and remember like I used to.
To be active and play like I used to.
To enjoy the little things like I used to.
But, alas, I must accept the new normal. There are days, weeks even, when I feel I have whole-heartedly accepted this.
And then….there are moments like this…
Why do I write this to you? To let you know that I am only human. I have real feelings, real concerns, real frustrations and real anxieties.
I also have a real faith, a real love for my family and a real love of life. Pain and all.
It’s just some days are more painful than others. Some days are harder than others to get through. But each day is a day that the Lord has given to us.
My pain is constant, but so is my faith in God.
Please know that I take Fibromyalgia seriously. I know what it has done to me, to my family and to my life.
Do you find that pacing helps? How do you handle the normal struggles in your day? Do you suffer from the lack of support from loved ones?
Pray about these issues and lift them up to a heavenly God! He hears your cry!
My day is not yet over…and neither is my pain. The smiles on my kiddos faces is enough to see me through. I’ve been blessed with a great family and I do not take that lightly!
So, Happy birthday, son! I’d do it all again for you because I love you!
Blessings and gentle hugs!