I have Fibromyalgia and Lupus. I love holidays. The 4th of July is no exception! I love this holiday but holidays don’t always like me!
I awoke to the girls putting up decorations on our covered patio at 6:30am! I began to think about our son who serves in the U.S. Navy and is under the sea today making sure the freedoms we all take for granted remain. I try to remember what I am supposed to do today. (Where is that list…?) Well, I do try to be upbeat and happy on days like this no matter how I feel physically for the sake of my husband and children. It can be exhausting to stay that way, but I do my best.
So, I saw the kiddos off to the Independence Day parade with our 21-year-old daughter driving the herd, after french braiding two heads of hair, clad with ribbons and glittery star headbands. Braiding makes my hands hurt, but I do it anyway for my girls. My 13-year-old does her own hair, thankfully. All three have beautiful long hair which requires a lot of brushing. That, too, makes my hands hurt. It is what it is.
After they left, I pulled cupcakes out of the oven and prepared my home-made icing. Into the large icing bag it went and off my hands went…1, 2, 3,…12, …27…42…yes, I iced 42 cupcakes. They were beautiful to the eyes and great to the taste buds. But these hands of mine…oh, yeah…I am still trying to compete with my old self. You know the one…Years before being able to ice cupcakes in a single blow, braid four heads of hair, clean up the breakfast dishes AND go to the parade, all while walking and carrying a baby and pushing a stroller?? Now I can barely get through the morning. Did you notice this paragraph began with “After they left…”??? That means no parade for me today. No driving 40 minutes, no walking several blocks, No sitting in the sun…nope, not happening. Okay, I admit I am my worst enemy. The competition with my old self is genuine, I can assure you. I am at war with that old me every day. It is a battle to stay positive when my flares come and go throughout the day.
Here is a glimpse of my day today: Just walking to the bathroom upon awakening and my feet HURT. Like I mean to put pressure on them. Like they are gonna burst from pain.The mornings are the worst! Then my back began to scream at me while I was braiding head number one. By head number two, I wanted to cry. But I didn’t. Why? Because I am a warrior. This is my life now. Things must be done. I want my girls to have a mom who takes care of them and gives them happy memories. Each day will become a memory. I want it to be a good one. Okay, so they left, my hands ache from icing, my back still screaming at me while I cleaned up the mess I had made and I still needed to make the burgers. I was dying to rest, but I needed things from the basement to finish the necessary preparations. Up and down 4 times, I mixed and made 16 burger patties while my husband made 12 jalapeno and garlic brat patties. (His wrist is still recovering from the break and the many screws and plate surgery and he needed the exercise!) My back is roaring now…I sit down. Pain is bad. I lay down on the couch…it’s getting better, at least once the pain stopped sending waves of current like electricity throughout my body. 15 minutes later and the kiddos are home. My husband grills. We eat. I am hurting. I take three Ibuprofen. Two hours later, I am still hurting and am like “three Motrin and I still want to cry….now what???” I ask my 18-year-old son to rub out my back while I am (making a memory) playing a game with the three younger girls and fight the tears as I smile at the game and bite into a (You have to eat this, Mom) cupcake. Now they run outside to blow up firecrackers with their big brothers. Company is due here in 45 minutes. I go lay down for 20 minutes with our very pregnant Dachshund and her sidekick in tow and manage to doze off with two dogs cuddled around me. Company arrives and I smile….has the Motrin kicked in…? Now it is time for food!!! Then side-walk chalk drawing contests! Later, I watched bubbles being blown and I heard firecrackers popping. Then, I am gathering the troops for pictures to be taken, more brat patties eaten and now….I…. am….spent! I sit in a chair outside…Whack! One dead mosquito. Whack!… Missed that one. Now I am inside.
Off go the kids to see the light displays in the neighboring town with our daughter and sons and my hubby and I are off to bed. I take a very hot shower, thank God for a nice day, grab my computer and climb into bed, all while my feet are throbbing and my back is hurting. Now, here I am writing to whoever reads this…yes, it was a good day! But a normal day of painful living. I look over at my handsome man and am so thankful for my life, no matter how much I hurt. The enemy cannot get to me today…Let’s hope that attitude sticks through til morning because I have P.T. tomorrow at 9:45 am…Oh, boy…